Just watched thirteen.  Not sure what to think.  Deep, dark, but true.  How often do we try and find something that will make us fit in?  Change who we are, and go on other people’s passions/vibes, so that we are liked, or fit in even better than we already do?  How often do we try to find something to kill the pain, take our hurts away, make us cry those invisible tears, or  physically express what words can’t say, eyes don’t show, or heart doesn’t share? 

Some people may see our emotions, may want us to share our experiences with them, thinking that it will take the burden away, but it sadly doesn’t.  It makes you feel horrible for telling another person, losing a friend because it’s too much, and making you end up in a place where you just can’t comprehend their advice. 

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Suicide. Do suiciders go to Heaven or hell?

A lot of people, mainly Christians, say that people who commit suicide go to hell.  That they have committed an unforgiveable sin.  People say this is because they have caused harm to themselves, and to others, and they cannot be forgiven for it (basically because they’re dead, before they can ask for forgiveness).

But how true is it?

What if someone committed suicide slowly, e.g. slit their wrists, in which, although it is fast, they could realise on their death bed, that they really wished that they hadn’t done what they just did, and asked God to forgive them, before passing away.  Is that a forgiveable sin?

Or what if they did it quickly, gunshot, but God knew their hearts, why they were doing it, where their thoughts were.  That even though they were Christians, and loved and believed in God, they just saw their life as hopeless, too much, and too much pain, guilt, and uncertainty to live on.  They felt too weak, and had too little faith and trust (in God) to keep trying, to keep fighting.  Would they go to hell?

Is it possible for God to let someone commit suicide, because in His greater plans He knows that life’s too much for that person, and that He wants them to come back home with Him, while they still believe.  <— This thought was one that was talked a lot around the time that Steve Irwin died, that he had just become a Christian before the sting ray incident, and that maybe God was calling him home before he slipped away.  Maybe that’s crazy, maybe it’s tomfoolery. I don’t know.

Maybe suicide is selfish, but as said above, maybe some people just see it as a simple resolution to what they see as a ‘hopeless’ life.  We don’t really have a place to judge people who do commit suicide, or people in everyday life, yet more and more often we seem to be forgetting - “Who are we to judge that person?” 

It’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.  What do you think?

Do people who commit suicide go to hell?

http://www.formspring.me/peacetruthlove

larabelle:

rippleffects:

gleeeful:

abeautifulmess12:

jesusobsessed:

THIS IS A GENERATION IN CRISIS

* 1 out of 11 attempt SUICIDE each year.
* 1 out of 10 fifteen year olds and younger have gone through family divorce in their life-time.
* 58% have been involved in objectionable content on the web.
* 40% have experimented with SELF-INJURY (are “cutters”).
* Use of prescription DRUGS (Ritalin, anti-depressants etc.) by children/teens has increased substantially in the past few years.

THIS IS A GENERATION WITHOUT MORALITY

• By the time the average child graduates from high school, he/she will have watched 19,000 hours of TV including about 200,000 sexual acts and 1 million ACTS OF VIOLENCE.
• 1 in 10 high school females have reported being RAPED at some point in their life.
• Fear of violence in schools is now the leading “worry” of public school teens.
• 48% of high school seniors are SEXUALLY ACTIVE (had sexual intercourse in past 3 months).

THIS IS A GENERATION WITHOUT TRUTH

• 91% say there is NO ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
• 75% of teens in America believe the central message of the Bible is, “God helps those who help themselves”.
• 53% believe Jesus committed sin (40% of born again teens believe Jesus committed sin).

ATTACK ON A GENERATION

Today’s teens are being attacked by popular culture like no other generation. Hollywood, the music industry, advertisers, and even the mainstream media are using their arsenal of tools to win the battle for our teens’ hearts- and so far they are winning! In order to defeat our enemy, we must know how it thinks and understand the weapons it uses. It is critical that we realize how far-reaching the crisis is- and then we must work together to stop it.

TELEVISION

This generation views 16 to 17 hours of television each week and sees on average 14,000 sexual scenes and references each year. That’s more than 38 references every day.

INTERNET

This generation spends three hours a day online and is the first to grow up with point-and-click pornography. Almost 90 percent of teens have viewed pornography online at one of the 300,000 adult websites, most while doing homework.

MUSIC

More than 25 percent of teen-targeted radio segments contain sexual content; 42 percent of the top selling CDs contain sexual content

ADVERTISING

With more than $128 billion dollars in their pockets, this generation has been targeted by corporate America, who does everything it can to grow brands and profits without any regard to the moral decay of a generation.

spiffyrawr:

Found this a few years ago, I think on Myspace. It really inspired me. Hopefully it inspires you too. :)

Inhale. Exhale. Now open your eyes.

Welcome to the world, it’s full of shallow people and incorrect judgments, based on the physical appearance, most of the time.

It’s also full of unnoticed depression, hate, and the feeling of being worthless.

You can make a difference, like I am and will continue to.

There is a common battle being fought by teenagers within themselves, its called depression. You may have contributed to this, or you may have helped someone who has suffered from this.

DON’T FEED THE DEPRESSION!

You are surrounded by it, you have felt it, and you have put people further in it. And this is the point I am trying to make:

Stop doing hurtful things to people, just stop. Because the thing is, you don’t know what that person has to deal with everyday.

And also keep this in mind, you could be the one whos hurting inside.

The thing about this whole sad issue is, you can’t really tell. I mean, unless that person spilled their guts and feelings out to you, then you don’t know them, do you.

There are people who question reality, people who question their existence, people who would be more than willing to end their own life.

That girl that you heard people talk shit about, she could have lost a mother and isn’t very social ever since that happened.

Or how about that one nerdy guy. He could go home every night to his sister who he watches wasting away, who’s heartbeat is weak within her frail thin anorexic body. And in his life he begins to shut everything and everyone out. One day you see the scars on his wrists and you tell others, and everyone at school starts making fun of him and talking behind his back.

Or that girl who you think is such a slut. Maybe she goes home every night to a drunken father who beats her telling her shes worthless.

Or the girl who you think acts “emo” just for attention. Maybe her parents are divorced because her father used to sexually abuse her.

There are people like this all around you, people who have gone through some really tough times, and they just can’t take it anymore.

Some people watch themselves become something they never wanted to be, and they feel like they’ve lost their identity entirely. They could be crying themselves to sleep, or each time they cross the road they think to stop in front of a car, hoping to get hit.

The thing is, you don’t know. You don’t know whats going on inside their head.

Not everyone here has someone to lean on, to tell them that everything will be okay. Not everyone is as blessed as you are.

But everyone is entitled to happiness.

You can make a difference, you can start by not judging the people you don’t know. If you see someone who looks upset, even a complete stranger, go up to them and ask whats wrong, tell them that whatever’s wrong that “this too shall pass.”

Nothing lasts forever, not even the deepest of sorrows.

Now do the world a favor, don’t say hurtful things, because in the end, it wont help anyone.

In fact, continuous hurt and pain can end in suicide. So stop and think before you try to bring someone down.

larabelle:

abeautifulmess12:

The people I follow on tumbler are all beautiful people. I can see in the pictures you post, the things you choose to qoute, the words you write. But on my dash I see a wave of sadness, frustration, and struggles. I know because i do it too, I use tumblr as a place to vent and thats partially what its for, a place separate from real life where you can vent and talk and make friends with people who get you. But there are so many beautiful people dealing with eating disorders, or people dealing with self harm, to people just dealing with evil voices in there head telling them all of these negative untrue things about themselves. Its breaks my heart, because I know how you all feel. i’ve felt it too, and i still feel it all the time. I just want you all to know  that someone cares. Its true, a lot of people care, and God cares. I know not all of you believe in God, but He cares about you more than anything and wants you to be happy. I know this post isn’t very poetic or interesting. I just want you all to know the truth, that you really are loved, in case you were not sure.

What do you say?

How do you behave?

How do you console, when you haven’t really seen each other in ages, but still classify them as a true friend?

Jesus, please just help this family in their time of grievance…

Today has just been an amazing day.

It started off with me sleeping through 3 of my alarms, to wake me up at 6/6.25/6.45am, for a walk with a friend at 7.30, and so I woke up to my housemate and my friend on my bed.

At 8:10, my friend and I went for our daily walk, and whilst it wasn’t with the same bustle and hype as usual, and we didn’t say nearly as anywhere near the amount of chitter chatter that we usually do, it was really good just to spend time with her, and to know she was there, even though she is going through so much right now - I don’t know how she is able to do it all.

My housemate then persuaded me to stop over at a missionary couple’s house enroute to grocery shopping.  It was raining, so a friend lent us his car, even though he was meant to be at work, and whilst my housemate (and friend) was getting the car keys from my other friend, I was patting our newest house pets - guinea pigs, AND they purred :)  I’ve never really had them purr for me, especially straight up :) It was so cool :)

Anyway, we went to the missionaries’ house and my housemate told them her news.  She also wanted me there to tell them some things, but I was hoping she’d forget about that.  She didn’t.  She ended up persuading me to talk - I didn’t really know what about though, and it was good.  As awkward as it was, because I guess I don’t feel like I connect with these missionaries like everyone else does, because they’re not on campus anymore and therefore don’t seem as genuinely happy to see me as they do others - I guess cos they don’t know me as well; they did give some good advice, which answered a lot of things.

Some of the advice they gave me was as follows:

1. God loves you - or rather God loves me.

2. The western world emphasises that if you’re not hearing, feeling, getting things out of the Bible, “connecting” with God, then there is something wrong with you!

3. There is NOTHING wrong with you, if you’re not experiencing any of the above.  Most people don’t.  And it is only because it is emphasised, that people expect that they must.  But we shouldn’t be wanting or expecting God to let us feel close to Him, we should be thankful that He is there for us, and that He’s accepting us.  The Bible doesn’t say that God will be holding our hand, talking to us, giving us over-zealous joy to get through each day.  It says that He will never leave us or forsake us.  That NOTHING will separate us from His love (Romans 8:38,39).

4. God will not forsake me, if I disobey what He is telling me - or I feel He is telling me to do.  It’s okay not to go to summer projects.

5.  It’s a matter of perspective.  Depression wants you to take the negative perspective and to live by focusing on the dysfunction.  God wants you to focus on Him and His plans, rather than on the dysfunction.

6.  If you focus on the dysfunction, you will only end up focusing on yourself, which will increase the dysfunction and cause the world to overtake you and you become more miserable in the long run.

There was plenty of other things they talked about as well.  Some I fully agree with, some that has changed my perception - like saving kissing till the engagement, and some that I sort of/don’t really or minimally agree with and therefore I will need to research and inquire why I don’t, and what I do think on the topic of interest.

But having this discussion put me in such an elated mood for the rest of the day.  I really didn’t feel like I needed to go see the psychologist that I was seeing for the first time that afternoon.  But I also knew that there was an underlying problem, and even if I felt good that day, it didn’t always mean it would be so, and so I should go.  I’ve also been telling this to a friend, and he’s being trying to live for so long but has just been too afraid to talk to anyone about his struggles with life and so I am big on value of words and anti-hypocrisy so I had to tell myself over the 30 minutes of grocery shopping that I had to go.

One of my friends then picked me up for my psychology appointment and it just went so well.  I was hyper and insanely silly and giggly, I’m assuming from nerves - because I ate through the house almost within half an hour, but the talk was really good.  My friend, who was also the one I went for a walk with that morning, came into the session with me (last minute decision that I really needed her there for support as well as just incase I didn’t mention something I should’ve) and it was just an enjoyable, friendly, vibrant appointment.  My friend was an acquaintance of the psychologist, and ended up being a part of a blue printed plan for recovery.  But the best thing was that this counsellor is God-focused :).  I don’t think my mind was able to orchestrate my thoughts into words properly but I’m hoping and I’m thinking that she understood exactly what I said.

The rest of the afternoon and night was just a blur with spending time with the friend who took me to the appointment, shopping for an all-time childhood favourite tv series - the littlest hobo, going to work for a function - which was uber fun, and getting shouted cold rock ice cream by one of my other housemates (and also a great friend).  I am so blessed by having so many friends and loved ones.  It’s amazing how much God provides for us, which we often overlook, especially with mental illnesses :)

And as much as I want to keep writing now… I know I need to go to bed, before an 11 hour shift tomorrow, serving people at graduations…  I’ve just got to keep reminding myself perspective, blessed, and God :)  IT WILL BE A GOOD DAY :)

It rips inside,

Oh how I wish you could see,

these emotions I have for thee.

With suns burning brightly,

and rage silently rising.

When you hurt,

these feelings breathe,

like an exhaust pipe’s smoking glee.

I wish it was gone.

I wish there wasn’t pain.

With pain it proves,

there must be good - somewhere too.

But it’s dead.

It’s rough

It’s killing me inside this trough.

I want a gun,

I want a knife,

I want a noose,

to give some life.

I’m not suicidal,

no matter what they say.

But then again, is it me I betray?

It burns inside,

it kills and roars.

I want it silent.

I want it gone.

More and more often my struggles seem to dominate my realm of existence.

And the first thing I want to do is curl up and forget the world.

But I’ve been told that this is the last thing that I should be doing,

that instead, I should be getting out there, or seeking company… talking to someone, anyone.

As easy as this sounds, my mind denies… it tells me I’ll over-burden people; it tells me that no one wants to know; it collates recollections of memoirs that flood right across my eyes - displaying the hurt, rejections, from previous experiences where I’ve tried to fight this ‘lie’.

It shows me a door, which seems a possibility… where if I tell a little bit to several people, I’ll be safe from their distancing leers.

It seems possible… almost easy enough to grasp… except the door slams shut in my face - people disappear.

They break, they ache, which silently kills me inside.  To know that I’ve made them struggle perceives thoughts for me to die.

Sometimes there’s one who’s special, who comes into my life, who opens the door and tries to show me life.

Do I dare to hope?  Do I dare to dream?  Do I dare to take another step away from these ‘lies’?

It scares me to do so.  To put my trust in God.  To think that there is a life, a way outside my control.

I take this step forwards… and it seems to work well.  Sometimes it’s fast-forwarded, sometimes paused, stopped and rewound.  But how long will this last?  How long can I dream?  Right now, I sit, shivering.

I need help, but I cannot think.  I need air, but I cannot breathe.  The one who I know can help, I feel I’ve depended on too much this lifetime.

‘She’s busy’, ‘she’s not to be disturbed’, ‘she’s not interested’… floods my mind.  I want to seek her help, but don’t want to ever be denied.  I want to seek her help, to stop falling behind…

I know I shouldn’t pressure her… that’s why I refuse my desires.  I’ve got to fight this all on my own, to just try… that’s what it states, that’s what it infuses… that’s what is make me sit here, shivering, in my struggles…