I talked with one of my friends, who right now is in Russia, on skype.

The weirdest, most amazing phenomenon, that I could not get over, was that at 10pm (Thursday, 3/6/2010) here, it was Thursday 3/6/2010, 11pm there.  It was amazing, to know that even though she was on the other side of the planet, she was still so close by. :)

I loved talking to her on skype.  It was so good to hear her voice, and to know that she told me stuff that she had not told her parents, about her trip (partly because she forgot).   She shared with me the opportunity her YWAM team had with evangelising, through a performed gospel skit, in a public area, in China.  They were able to do it freely too.  It was groundbreaking for them, to in a country where people cannot publicly speak, talk, or read anything to do with Christianity, to be able to freely present this gospel skit of Jesus’ sacrifice.

Talking to her made me realise how much I miss her, how blessed we are here, and how much I miss her closeness.  It made me realise how blessed I truly am to have a friend like her. :)

Hey all,

I’ve got a prayer request which it would be great if you guys could join me in praying for.

I’ve been battling depression for over a year now (constantly) and on and off for as long as I can remember and I would really like a break through in it.  I believe God is wanting me to grow closer to Him, and battling this is in someways helping me to draw nearer, but it is also hindering my application for YWAM (Youth With A Mission), in which I hope to go on one of the Discipleship Training Schools (DTS) in October.

I also need to raise around $8000 for this YWAM DTS which I am just having to trust God with.  But if you would like more details with where I am at with this YWAM mission trip journey, I have created a blog… or if you would like to donate, message me for further details. 

So in a sum up I am just praying for a break through with this depression and some guidance and direction for my future, in particular these next six months, including financial support for and direction with YWAM.

All prayers greatly appreciated!  If you would like me to pray for you on anything, please do not hesitate to drop me a line or post me a message.

Thanks

So, this is just a short spiel of what I am feeling right now… just trying to unwind…  I feel I have too many walls, and unexplainable emotions, that I don’t think anyone would be patient enough to wait around and listen to how I am feeling, and understand…

I got news today that I’ve been accepted into the YWAM DTS down in Newcastle, and well, wow, the news overwhelmed me.  I’ve already been on a high for the past two days with a friend’s engagement, and so being accepted onto this DTS has only just furthered the excitement. But at the same time I am also scared.

I am scared, as I have no control over what is going to happen.  I cannot just spend 12 months of working or studying, where there is an expected outcome.  I am scared of what people will think of me.  I am scared on how I am going to raise the funds.  I am scared on letting friends down.  I am scared that I am not going to be able to commit.  I am scared of hurting friend or on them bottling their real emotions up.  I am scared on if I am going to raise the funds.  I am scared on not being able to hear God clearly… And yes, I know God is in control of everything, and I know that I should be giving everything to God… but there are times where I am so used to being independent, wanting to hear from God, but not hear from Him, and yes, I do like being in control, or rather I don’t like unexpected happenings, or not knowing where I am heading… 

It’s all down to God though.  I won’t tread water, waiting for God to move, as I believe one always has to be moving, either forwards or backwards… and treading water will mean that eventually you will get too exhausted and drown, which in my eyes, is backwards… so God I am going to take steps of action.  Please close the doors that are meant to be closed, and open doors that are a part of Your will.

Thanks Lord :)

You called us into existence.

You shouted out our name.

You knew our every foot step.

Why am I ashamed?

You created the Heavens and Earth.

You whispered creatures into existence.

You sung the seasons through,

A festivity of creation.

So why am I afraid,

When I come knocking on Your door.

You arms are opened wide.

A loving embrace in store.

So why am I afraid,

of the possibilities in store,

When I know Your hand has drawn,

the existence of it all?

I know I need to trust You.

To give everything of mine to You.

Give up all that I’m holding onto,

that consumes me, not of You.

I know I am alone,

Without You by my side.

Lord, take my shaking hand,

My self-controlled life,

Is Yours to forever-hold,

Please be my saving guide.

Dear Friends and Family,

Wow, another year has almost gone since I last had the chance to write to you. Some of you I see regularly and some of you not so much, which I wish was different but sadly locations and times can make that goal difficult to achieve. 

How are you all? What’s been happening? What has God been doing in your life? I look forward to hearing your answers either by email (rakaah@gmail.com), mail (15 Logan St, Gatton, 4343, QLD) or text message, but let me tell you my answers in advance.

This past year has been an interesting year. It’s been one of ups and downs on the roller coaster of life, which I know most people ride regularly with me on, whether daily or yearly. It’s been one of trusting God, losing sight of God’s direction and therefore loss of perseverance of finding life’s enjoyments with God. But it has also been one, where I have learnt a lot of things too.

I’ve learnt to persevere through the hard times; to go to God first (or try to), and rely on God to help me get through the hard times. I’ve learnt the importance of regular quiet times with God, and the fact that regular contact, as we do in our friendships, is important to maintain the growing relationship that God programmed us to have. I have also found direction for six months of my life, which is exciting and a totally new step in an area that I would never have considered for myself four years ago.

For the last few months to almost a year, God has slowly been opening my heart to the concept of doing a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission, more commonly known as YWAM.  (More details of this catalyst can be found on the blog I have created to share my YWAM experience, or leading up to YWAM experience, which is www.kara-followinginhisfootsteps.blogspot.com). But one of the more exciting things, which I haven’t actually had the chance to write about on my blog, is that I’ve actually put in an application to one of Australia’s YWAMs AND been accepted, which is REALLY exciting.

In October, this year (2011), I will be travelling down to Newcastle (New South Wales), Australia, for six months, to complete a DTS. What is a DTS you may ask? A DTS is an intensive, residential training course, which is based on the Bible, covering topics like God’s nature and character; building and maintaining Godly relationships; God’s intentions for individuals, peoples, and nations; the value of human life through the eyes of the creator; bringing the promise of hope into a broken world and addressing issues of poverty and injustice, just to name a few. These topics are covered in the lecture phase, which is conducted in the first 12 weeks of the six month course duration, and prepares the students for the following phase, putting the classroom teachings into action, which is outreach.

This year, the Compassion DTS (which is the DTS I am doing), has two team outreach locations. The first team will spend two weeks in Toowoomba helping out in the community, with people affected by the January floods (and yes there is still a lot of work to be done), as well as the general community, followed by eight weeks in Cambodia; and the second team will spend five weeks in Latvia and five weeks in Russia. All three overseas outreach locations will be focusing on ‘children at risk’ and human trafficking groups, which is exciting as it’s a field I was really keen to get into a few years ago, but just didn’t know how to.

Some of you may think that this is crazy, bizarre, and an act of delusion, and maybe I am delusional. But I would rather take the risk and appear delusional for God, and search for the unique plan He has for me, as well as every single one of us, than fit in with every day life; continuing in attempting degrees, spending money, gambling time in trial and error of what I think may be the right direction for my life and losing hope and purpose in living, every time I fall short. So I have decided that no matter what trials, difficulties or challenges I come across in this ensuing journey, I am going to give it everything I have; I am going to trust God with every aspect of my life, and I am going to allow my heart to be open for change. If this isn’t a part of God’s plan, then I will accept it, and seek His guidance for the plan He does have for me, but some help would also be appreciated. 

I am looking for people who would be able to support me, whether through finance, prayer, or anything that you think may help. Currently my prayer requests are as follows:

· Raising all the money ($3950) required for the lecture phase (which covers food, accommodation, classes, etc.) before the due date of 4^th of October 2011

· That the plans God has for me, would become clear and fall into place, and that I’d be able to let go of the plans that aren’t His.

· Ideas to raise awareness and support for outreach, which is between $2500 and $4500.

· Learning to trust in God 100%; be content with His provisions and blessings, and to know that I should not be scared of anything, as He is in control.

· That the people that God has called would respond, whether that is to do this DTS or to speak or whatever God may have placed on people’s hearts.

If you would be interested in supporting me in any way, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I will be contacting you personally in July, especially if I haven’t heard from you, to see how you are going and to find out if you can support me in any way, and if you would be interested in getting regular updates on the whole YWAM experience?

Hope you are all well.

GBUG (God Bless U Good),

Kara Martin

³⁸Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest. (Matthew 9:38)

If you would like to support me in any way, please email me atrakaah@gmail.com 

I also have a PayPal account under the same email (rakaah@gmail.com)

It’s been an interesting few days and it’s going to be an interesting few weeks coming up. I’m struggling to have any sort of energy and have slipped in some areas that I’d thought I’d conquered. Friends are hurting - talked to one friend last night for 2 hours to try and help her out of her downward spiral. But with both friends yesterday I didn’t feel like I was much help at all and it does leave one wondering how else they can show that they care, because prayers, hugs and support never seem good enough or wanted. It’s the stupid battle of self-worth all over again, if only it seemed useful. Oh well… Maybe it’s good to be moving (I don’t think I’ll be missed that much but still); I don’t want to leave.

How often do we bubble wrap ourselves to stop from being hurt, or hurting other people?  How often does this end up hurting us more in the end?  Letting other people make the first step, so that we don’t feel the sting of rejection.  Waiting for them to call or drop an email, so we don’t appear needy and/or insecure.  Cutting ourselves off from all contact, because the pain of seeing someone else moving on, just rips a knife through your heart, even if they don’t realise it.  It’s all a part of life, and yes life can be painful, but bubble wrapping yourself so that you don’t get hurt, is also not allowing God to fully cover you with His protection (which is a lot bigger, better and stronger).  It does not mean that He will eliminate all pain and hurting, but it does mean that the pain you will feel, will be worth it, and have a lesson to be learnt, which you will discover one day.  So no matter what pain you’re going through, or what pain you’re fearing, don’t forget to trust God and let Him be your personalised ‘stronger than bubble wrap’ protector instead.

Lately a lot of people have been moving on, and whilst that is great, and I am happy for them, it also hurts a lot as well.  Some of the reasons it hurts is because I miss the person they used to be.  I miss what part I played in their life.  I miss what adventures we could come up with… etc.  And in a sense, I feel/felt like I lost a bit of value as well… felt a bit more worthless and/or am not sure how to relate to them anymore.  But last night I realised I need to move on. 

Yes, it hurts to move on, and know that you’re causing pain, even if you’re not (note - mental issues, don’t be alarmed… it’s something I am working on :P), but when everyone else around you is moving on what else can you do? 

So I’m starting to look forward to YWAM… whilst it still scares me to bits, I know it will be good for me.  I know, after talking to a friend, that YWAM will help me with my relationship with God and hopefully we’ll be more on the same wave length, rather than Him telling me and me not hearing, and me talking to Him and feeling like I can’t hear anything back ;).  So whilst scared, it feels/starting to feel more right now, and who better to have a stronger relationship with than someone who’s not human, therefore can never let you down nor make you feel rejected, invaluable, unwanted, etc. 

I know this won’t make sense to some of you, and it doesn’t always make sense to me… my life isn’t together, I don’t know what is always going to happen,  I can’t do everything perfectly, etc.  But what else can you do, than declare “In God we trust!”

These last few months have been flying so fast, and whilst that is exciting, it’s also scary…

It means in just a couple of months, I am going to say goodbye to a lot of my close friends, some of which I feel like I won’t see again… and jet-setting on a new adventure that I have no control over…

One thing I have been learning is to just trust God, and whilst I thought I learnt this ages ago, I am learning I have never fully yet trusted God with my whole heart and life… now it’s time.

I’m also learning to speak words of life.  I don’t want to be wanting to die.  I don’t want to feel so overwhelmed with life, that because I feel like God isn’t with me (in which I’m also not aligned with Him), I want out altogether…  so this last week I have been, or it seems God has been focusing me on learning to have conversational prayer with Him… having Him involved with everything… I should probably tell Him I’m doing this now too, then huh? yeah… anyway, moving on…

So tomorrow’s and this week’s Faith Walk goals are to dig into God more, to not freak out that I don’t know where I’m going, that I feel like I don’t fit in at church because everyone is getting involved and I can’t/haven’t been… To not freak out that I don’t know where I’m staying for the first night in Newcastle; To speak words of life, Bible verses etc. whenever I feel my mind or satan implanting negative thoughts, impressions, etc.; To TRUST GOD ALONE (with everything)!!!

I will trust God, and give Him all my fears, failures, hopes, futures, (lack of futures), friends, enemies, desires, opportunities… LIFE!