I have no idea who reads this and in some way would like to know, but in other ways, don’t want to know… but I just wanted to shout out I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

In the last two days, my life has been an intriguing one.  I usually never fight with my Mother, and if I do it’s more a harsh anger shouting match which can entail some physical aggression.  However, in the recent visit it was a death silence match concluding with a “well if you’re going to be like that. you can get out and leave”… these ones a very rare and seem to hurt the most.  With the pain caused often hindering the growth of love shared.

It is this event (not so much) and two other events which happened in the two days which made me wonder why I even bother trying…

I am meant to be going on a mission trip with a Christian group, called Student Life (www.studentlife.org.au), to Byron Bay over the Christmas break, evangelising and just having general conversations with the locals and tourists.  However, I stuffed up Thursday…

Each Thursday I lead (or rather am meant to lead) an evangelism group on the Uni campus, which lately has not happen.  I hate myself that I fail in this area and really want it to happen, but I am too scared, in an aspect, to put the steps in place when it actually comes to talking to “’”“strangers”“”.  

This last Thursday, I was actually excited about doing evangelism.  I woke up early for once - 530am and was ready for a GREAT day (a change from the last few months of dreary negativity), however, when it got to leading EV, I took the backseat.  I was asked by someone older and MUCH wiser, if me, and the person I was taking evangelising, wanted to practice and as much as I didn’t really want to (because I then create an expectation and a standard of how evangelising is meant to be done), I decided to give it a go.  After conducting the practice, a whole lot of unexpected feelings just rushed to the top and I freaked! I had to get out of the building and I had to find fresh air.  This is one of the reasons that I don’t think I can go to Summer Projects (the mission trip to Byron Bay).  If I can’t evangelise on a Uni campus, what makes me think that I can evangelise at Byron Bay?  Why do I freak?  It’s not hard… I’ve done it before… and I love meeting new people and making new friends.  But if I cannot get over this ditch of non-evangelism then I cannot go to Byron Bay!

The other reason was because I screwed up on Friday.  I backslid somewhere I haven’t been for awhile and don’t want to be often, but lately seem to be majorly/solely existing.  I know I’m not perfect.  I have never been.  But when you’re expected to be at a certain standard to go on the trip, and you almost didn’t get accepted… the reminder when you screw up cuts pretty deep!

With these two/three things in mind, I have been looking at pulling out from Summer Projects, the trip to Byron Bay.  This included going on the website to look at withdrawing my application.  I haven’t got the money required yet, and I know if I am meant to go, God will provide but I don’t know how I (with who I am) could ever fulfil what everyone expects me to do.

However, today I got a present from a friend… I didn’t expect this at all, it was such a surprise ( I don’t know if they realised this or not) but when I finally got the chance to open it (—> I have to be by myself, because sadly I cannot open gifts in front of people easily… I wish I could but I can’t), it was just what I needed.  It was a message to say Don’t Quit! Trust in the Lord. And I love it.  If I could cry I’d be balling my eyes out right now :)

My friends are beautiful!

I was going through some books I wrote in awhile ago, and came across a book I took to Cambodia on a Teen Missions’ Trip (www.teenmissions.com.au) in 2006/2007 (so 3 years ago).  I then started flicking through this book and came across one section of notes that I had prepared for leading at night devotions…

I still find it funny reading back on these things, because I often go “I wish I had the faith now, as I did then” but it’s in the past and you can only really look towards the future!  And I surprisingly struggle with this a lot more now than I did then… but I thought I might share it with you…

Why do we care so much on appearances?  Who says what the best appearance is, or isn’t?

God chose our specific body parts that would be perfect for us.  Like the people, who have dug and filled the trenches and posts, look for that perfect flat rock for the trench, or the suitable small wedge rock for the post hole, to securely support the post.

As in Psalms 139:13 - 16 (one of my favourite verses)

(NLT) “13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thankyou for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it.  15 You watched me as I was being in the utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  16 You saw me before I was born.  Everyday of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

Again, and I need to apply this to myself, as well; why do we, especially females, care so much on what our appearances are like? Why do so many women wear foundation and makeup, etc. on our faces each day, hiding the natural beauty God individually gave us?

I have a friend, who works at my school, and if she’s running late, she says to me when I say hello to her in the morning, “that she’s sorry she hasn’t got her mask on yet.”  But who says we need a mask? 

God created us uniquely and specifically for who we are;  He doesn’t care if we got pimples, a physical or speech problem (like Moses).  He doesn’t care if we have different coloured skin, from the majority of people that reside in our community.  For He created us to be set apart from others.

He uses people who are different, to the full.  He has a plan for everyone, and the ones who aren’t seen as the “perfect” person are usually His most useful.  It is because these people haven’t closed themselves so much, that He can mould them and make them.  He can transform them into His image and help them to reach out to others, as they are happy with who they are, and are focused on Him (God) and not on their own selves.

There is no one person exactly alike, not even twins or clones.  For each person looks internally and externally different, acts differently, and has their own unique personality.

So lets all try just to be who we are, and accept who we are, what we look like, and how God created us uniquely, for a reason!  Maybe this will save some time for others in the bathroom, in the mornings as well.

So I just want to overall say, well sum up my devotions, by saying… Don’t worry what your appearance is and let’s get DIRTY for God!

Proverbs 31:31
I Peter 3:3-4
I Samuel 16:7

Ok so this is another one from my devotional book I wrote in in Cambodia…  I still am desperate to return from Cambodia… I think I left my heart there… but know God has me here for a reason!

Saturday 20th of January 2007

Dear God,

Thankyou so much for this opportunity you have given us, in coming to this orphanage and seeing how, with so little, you can have so much.

You don’t need beds, mirrors, and electricity, to be happy, and alive (as you know, and we have discovered in these past 3 weeks) Lord.

For we have seen these children, who have so little, and sleep on straw mat beds, don’t use electricity and pump all their water, live sufficiently in You.

They worship You like I have never seen anyone worship You before - praying for 1/2 to 3/4 of their church services.

God please help me just to have the heart these Cambodians have.  Help me just to have courage in my heart, and want to constantly yearn and seek for You.  You have shown us so many of your miracles Lord, and I don’t know if what I’ve heard is from You or myself?  But I want to have courage in my heart and I want to be strong in You. 

This is the closest I’ve ever felt to You, God, and I don’t want to minimise, or go away from that.  I’m scared Lord, that when I go home, I won’t feel Your presence and I don’t want to resort back to my old ways.  Lord, help me to not worry or be scared, for You are God and as You said in Matthew 6:19-34, Don’t store up treasures here on Earth, where they diminish.  Your heart will be where your treasure is.  Your eye is a LAMP for your body.  A pure eye lets sunshine into your soul.  But an evil eye plunges you into darkness.  You cannot serve both God and master (money, tv, world, popularity, etc.)

25”So I tell you, don’t worry about every day life - whether you have enough food, or drink, or clothing…  31 Why be like the pagans, who are so deeply concerned about these things?  Your Heavenly Father already KNOWS ALL YOUR NEEDS and He will give you and make you the Kingdom of God your primary concern.  So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

So God, when I get back home, please help me to remain and grow spiritually strong in You.  Keep me patient and trusting and not be selfish. For I want to remain strong in You.

In Jesus’ name

Amen

This is from when I went to India… but I still agree…

Sunday, 6th of January, 2008

Something on the Heart

We live in a world today which is content on looking only after themselves, and their kind.  However, we should not look after only the people around us, but as Jesus says in Matthew 28:18-20 - “Go out into all the World and preach the gospel”  Is it not God’s desire for us as a world to unite as one?  To not care what colour we are, what language we have, or disease we carry, but to just love each other?…

Was it not Jesus, who went into a place where leprosy, a disease, like the black plague - where people just stayed as far away as possible from, would occur?  And was it not Jesus, who whould eat with the tax collectors, and people of the lowest caste, not caring what their physical appearance was, but what was on the inside?

So I ask you… Shouldn’t we, in today’s world, instead of worrying what people think of us, befriend people of all kind, treating them, as we would treat our own family and friends? 

We were not placed on this Earth to fight and hate each other, but to be there for all people, letting Christ shind through us!

I love when there are God moments… take the following for example!

(Thursday, 24th of January, 2008)

God show me where to go.  I understand Brazil wasn’t on the list.  I am praying that this means I get a break this year?… but part of me want to go on team again.  God I’d like to volunteer at Boot Camp at least!  Cambodia’s going again Lord - please help me.  I am so desperate to return! 

Open my eyes, so I may see.  Open my ears, so I can hear.  Open my mouth so I may taste.  Open my hands, so I may feel.  Open my nose, so I may smell.  Open my heart, so I may do!  Am I to serve You long term?  In missions?  Please, as I open my Bible to a random page (for a first) show me a verse which is significant!

pg 460
Psalm 18 (Immediately looking at verse 6)
“But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.  He heard me from His santuary; my cry reached his ears.”

The wind then blew to Psalm 20:1
“In times of trouble, may the Lord respond to your cry.”

I still felt God-less however, and was doubting God a fair bit… I started reading Psalm 22:1
“My God, my God!  Why have you forsaken me?  Why do you remain so distan?  Why do you ignore my cries for help?

In which the wind blew to Psalm 33 & 34 (on consecutive pages):
Psalm 33:1
“Let the godly sing with joy to the Lord, for it is fitting to praise Him.

Psalm 34:1,2
“I will praise the Lord at all times.  I will constantly speak His praises,  I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are discouraged take heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

I love these times.  They are hugely encouraging.  They create a peace rarely man-made.  It’s not a peace of man, but a peace of the Holy Spirit and it is beautiful!

Okay. Today’s the 25th.  I have 4 assignments due in a week.  Oh SNAP!  I had not realised how soon they were all due.  I need to stay committed to one thing… and sadly tumblr cannot be that thing.  I also need to get back on track with God - be fully devoted to Him, and have Him as my number one.  But I do have to get these Uni art assignments done and time is running out… so (with I have a feeling the Internet cutting out a lot as a reminder from God, that I need to get my priorities right) I should disconnect from adding anything more onto tumblr or looking anything else up on tumblr tonight and focus on my coke assignment…

p.s.  thanks a tonne to all my beautiful friends who drank 36 coke cans to help me out with this assignment… I will tell you more about it later.  Joseph, you’re also a mega legend for buying the coke cans for me… THANKS!

Goodnight people of the Universe!

“Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.  Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in the lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but for the interests of others.”

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN TO YOU?

Simply for me, God does not want us to be selfish, but to help others up when they fall down.  To not bring others up to expect self-gratification either, but to do it out of love.  I suppose also you could even go along the lines of saying, watch what you wear… if you wear something suggestive, provocative, or simply body-hugging, so that it can make someone else stumble, then you’re not keeping an eye out for others… 

I love when God gives you signs…

For example, God has provided the opportunity for me to go on two mission trips (2006-Cambodia  &  2007-India), and when He provides… it is something breathtaking, to remember, for sure!.

During the last week of the mission trip to Cambodia, with Teen Missions International (www.teenmissions.com.au for the Australians, or www.teenmissions.com for U.S.) I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go on team again… a few months later I wrote these words to remember God’s grace…

“Thankyou God for the fifty dollars in aid for my trip, it’s a restrengthening time for my faith in You.  Were you also trying to tell me something on team, with Shandri, about when she said it’d be interesting to see how I’d have changed in the next year?  Did you tell me, through her, that I would be coming this year?  If so that’s about six signs/helpings from you already.

1. Telling me at bootcamp to go.  When I had doubts (on how I’d raise the funds, second year around; look after my health, without being a burden on the leaders; learning all 40 required memory verses - as I was embarrased I didn’t learn them this year; and being not 100% sure if I’m meant to go, needing Your permission to conduct this process again), you told me to take a leap of faith, to grow in faith, trust in You and go again this year.
2. When I was confused where to go,  I prayed and it didn’t seem like I was getting an answer from You, with my deadline coming up.  But I told You if you were happy with what I wrote on the registration sheet, to give me a sign.  Well I was counting money from Cambodia, in Australian dollars, and thinking wouldn’t it be funny if this amount of money, and the amount of money Mum owed me (before I went to Cambodia), added exactly up to the $50 registration money, and also wouldn’t it be funny if I miscounted, only to recount and find out it’s the right amount = :).
   And I did exactly what I thought.  It exactly happened how I though.  So it’s ovcious You hand is in there.
3. Belinda had a feeling that in the end I’d choose India —> Encouragement.
4. Faith thought I looked Indian on the Cambodian team pre-trip photo sheet.
5. Kate just consistently encouraging me for India.
6. Shandri’s saying.
7. $300 coming in all before the deadline… with $250 coming the day before it was due.”

I love these moments.  They are such a cherishable reminder that God is always there for you… for anyone!  We just need to call on His name, and ask for His help.  Matthew 7:7.

I’m hoping to go on a trip end of this year, not with Teen Missions, but with a Christian University group called Student Life - I will tell you more about them later.  But even though I haven’t got the necessary $500 in my hand right now, and it is seeming more and more unlikely that the full $1800 will come in… I am trusting that He (God) will provide and will help me grow in the lead up to this awesome opportunity provided.

God moments are awesomely COOL!

Romans 1:16

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God.  Unto salvation to everyone that believeth.  To the Jew first, and also to the Greek.”

For I am NOT ashamed of the gospel of Christ.  For it IS the power of God.

Paul was saying he was not ashamed of the gospel, as we too should be saying.  It is the power of God. 

Should we therefore maintain reading the Bible than other things? YES!  Other Christian books are helpful.  However, the Bible should be our ultimate source of God-info.

There are also other aspects which cover this gray area.  For example, do you listen to people preach in Church, and then instead of doing your daily relationship with God, think “I’ve done my time hearing about God today,  I won’t read what He says today?  Yes?… No?…  We shouldn’t replace God’s words with other things.

The reason why it says to the jew first, and also to the Greek?…

I  believe this was because the pharisees (“”“Holy People”“”) believed only a certain caste of people could worship God.  But Paul wanted to reach out to the ‘low’ people - to everyone, in general.  God’s love is not for a select few BUT for ALL!!!  Jesus was mistreated by everyone who had ‘so called authority’ and the Greek were classed as outsiders, a totally different community, but Jesus did not treat them differently at all.   He looked after all.  He went to the sick —> who were seeking Him.  Because the “”“healthy”“” people saw no reason why they needed Him <— even though they did.

Who do we reach out to?  Do we even reach out to anyone anymore???

THINK ABOUT IT!!!

Your opinion does matter!

Isaiah 41:10

Fear thou not, for I am with thee.  Be not dismayed for I am thy God.  I will strengthen thee, yea.  I will help thee, yea.  I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Why are we scared?

It is the human characteristic to be scared…

We have been obsessed/involved in the world too long, that we often lose focus of the real reason in life, and the safety provided for us.

Christ is our refuge and strength. 

As Christians, we should NOT be afraid.  We know that there is an ultimate plan in our lives and that God has ultimate control of our lives.  He will take us from the Earth, when He is ready - to protect us from future things, or to keep us at the position of faith that we’re at.

Therefore, we should not fear or be dismayed, for God will help us through the tough times, the struggles, the needs, etc.  All we need to do is turn to Him. 

II Peter 2:9,21
^“9The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished: ²¹For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them.”

I Corinthians 10:12,13
^”12Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.  ¹³There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

Joshua 1:9
^“9Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

Isaiah 40:31
^“31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Although we have difficult times on the way to a destination.  The destination will be fulfilled.

After reading Our Journey (a free Christian daily devotional book), a particular story made me think of my own hassles.
God has told me to go to India with TMI this year, yet I’ve had so many struggles - family, financial, health, etc.  Even if they don’t seem like struggles to others, they are to me, and in a way, if I did not know the desired destination/goal, it would be harder to fulfil the plan.

Take Joseph, for example, he was probably asking God why he got thrown into a pit by his brothers, then sold into slavery.  After all that, he was wrongly accused by his bosses wife, thrown into prison by Potiphor, and several other stick predicaments.  However, he had faith in God.  God helped him get through his daily struggles, and made a light for his feet.

Joseph was told that he would one day rule Egypt, therefore he had a goal to aim for.  However, if he was told he’d be disowned, abandoned, wrongly accused, and imprisoned, then he may not have persevered with the struggles he was going through.  He may have just given up.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good, to them who love God, to them who are the called, according to His purpose.

I need to remember to have faith in God.  But also not to dwell on my problems.  But look towards what God has told me of what will occur. 

I should not doubt what God has told me.  For if God’s word is doubted, then God is doubted, and I am dead in life - both physically and spiritually.

God has a promise!
           We have a promise!
                       A promise to FULFILL!!!